When we were Kids by DaSandmanQS (f/m, mud, grim) As I walk through the back woods that populate the surrounding area of where I grew up, I wonder where time went. Fifteen years. My God how time moves. Fifteen years and yet it seems only yesterday. Funny how you can live so many years and not have many memories. It was different when I was a child, each day seemed to last forever, and the sun often fought to stay in the sky just a bit longer. It's dying beams of light leaving fiery orange trails in the darkening sky, like arms fighting to hold on to an object. Sunsets were a part of my everyday life, it informed me of the day's ending. I don't remember the last time I saw one, been so long. Lately for me, the sun is shining one minute, the next it's deepest night. The adult world just moves too damn fast. Megan knew that, it terrified her to grow up. She never spoke of it, but it showed in her senior year of highschool. As I was saying, these days sunsets are rare, especially in the city. It was different growing up in the country, you could stand on your porch at any given moment of any given day and see forever and then some, you betcha! When I first moved to the city it was exciting and fast paced, but when the glamor died, the cold stone walls became like prisons. The shadows they cast can be quite depressing. But there isn't much work for a lawyer in the country, least not any that pays enough to support a wife and child. Beth, my wife was born in the city and never knew the serenity of a star filled country summer night. The city is in her blood, like the country is in mine. I usually bring her and Alicia, my two year old, up here for Sunday drives. They enjoy it a lot, it's a breather from the rush of the city. But today I didn't bring them along. Today is the one day I come to the country myself, to see my sister Megan, like I have for the past fifteen years. These visits mean alot to me. I still feel close to her. I know she apprecaites the visits. She never did like to be lonely. Bless her innocent soul. She was so love lorn growing up. Often getting used and abused by guys. One thing I didn't like was to hear Megan cry. Someone like her didn't deserve to cry. As a kid she didn't cry much, cept when she got scrapes or a pet died. And that incident at the Creek. She was a beautiful teen, 5'8, 120lbs, hair that was so golden blonde you'd think it really was gold. Early on she wore it in pig tails, but as a teen she wore it free and wild, which only added to her exotic beauty. Her eyes, my God, you'd swear you never saw eyes like them before. Blue as the bluest sea. They sparkled so brightly you'd swear they were really diamonds. But what I was most fond of was her smile. No matter how down I could be, her smile and gentle touch would raise me up. You never saw a smile so warm and reassuring let me tell you. No, sir! Yup, my Megan was a real angel come to earth. She was something rare, a natural beauty. But just as beautiful as she was on the outside, she was just as beautiful on the inside. She'd give you her last nickel if ya asked her, not thinking once about herself. If you were sad, she was sad. And with Megan around, you never bore the load alone. She'd take some for herself, not that she didn't have her own load to bare, she did. Lord knows that. More then any her age should. Wasn't always that way though, no sir! Growing up, me and Megan were very close, as close as any brother and sister should be. We didn't have any friends, cept each other. So you can say my little sister was my best friend. I was two years older but that didn't matter. Megan was smart for her age, smart as a whip, you betcha! She could do long division by second grade. So keeping up with her older brother was no hard task for her. When we grew up, which was the seventies, there was no MTV, no video games, or malls. We didn't even have a color TV, our Pa couldn't afford it. He was just a share cropper barely getting by. But he always provided for his wife and two kids. We didn't need a lot though, living in the country had it's own rewards, like the Creek. A place situated within the backwoods surrounding our property. Pa didn't like us playing back there, but that never stopped us. We were kids after all, and very adventurous. The Creek supplied us with all the adventure we craved. We'd play games like tag, or hide and go seek. Toss rocks, and chase possums. Sometimes we'd climb the trees. Megan didn't like that too much, and never went too high. I, the young daredevil I was, would climb dangerously high though. Pressing my luck more then I ought have. I was a little monkey for sure. Megan usually just stayed on the ground and nervously cheered me on. Sometimes I'd hang upside down on a branch like a bat. That would always make Megan laugh. One of our favorite things to do, was to ride my bike through the woods. Megan didn't have a bike, Pa could only afford one bike, and being that I was the first to be able to ride, I got it. It was a nice bike. Brand spanking new, with streamers running down the handle bars, and a new shiny red paint job. Me and Megan would share it. Often she'd ride on the handle bars yelling between giggles for me to go faster, while I pedalled furiously to please her. I loved her laughter, it always picked me up. It was so full of innocense. Riding my bike with her gigling away on my handle bars is one of my fondest memories of my childhood. Hearing her laughter always made me happy. I didn't realize how special Megan was to me until that incident at the Creek. It was during the summer. I was ten, I believe, and Megan was eight. We were skipping chestnuts across the ground, seeing whose would go further when Megan got bored and decided to start up a game of tag. She playfully turned and tapped my shoulder and yelled, "You got cooties, you're it!" Then with that giggle I loved so much, she turned, causing her golden pig tailed hair to wisp around behind her, and ran off. That day she wore a pair of jeans and a white tank top, she hadn't started developing yet. Later in the years she would blossom into a beautiful young woman, as beautiful as a painting. She had a body any man would leave a wife for. But develop as she did, I never saw her as anything other then that little girl with pig tails and the dirty jeans and shirt. Maybe because that's when she was happiest. I could hear Megan giggling up ahead even though I coudln't see her anymore. I yelled ahead playfully, "I'm gonna get you!" That only made her laugh more. We ran for some time, yelling and giggling. Sometimes I'd catch up and get close, but she'd zig zag like a running buck and take off again. She was fast, that Megan of mine was. Her long slender legs could carry her something fierce. I could barely keep up. At one point I lost sight of her again, and only had her giggles to guide me, but then suddenly the happy giggles turned into a terriefied shriek. I never heard Megan scream like that before, and it shook me to the bone. I stopped dead in my tracks and called out to her, hoping to get a bearing on where she was. "Megan, were are ya?" Nothing. I yelled again, "Megan, answer me girl! Ya hear? Where are ya?" This time she answered. "Billy! Billy, come quick, I'm in deep!" Her voice rang out in the most frightening way. I was mighty scared for my sis just then. My heart raced as I ran faster than I ever did before. "Megan, keep yelling so I can follow your voice!" I commanded. "Hurry, Billy, hurry!" came her frightened reply. She repeated that over and over as I followed her voice. Finally I burst through some underbrush into a wide open clearing by the Creek. I found myself landing ankle deep in some mud. "No, Billy! Get back!" came Megan's voice. I looked up from my ankles to find Megan armpit deep in a sinkhole. I was absolutly terrified. I didn't waste time though in getting my ankles free. I waded to solid ground and turned to face my sister. Her cherry red cheeks were stained with tears and flecks of dried mud. "Help me, Billy!" she pleaded. Pa warned us bout sinkholes. Said they'd appear after rain storms especially. The Creek could get infested with them. We never believed it of course. That stuff was the thing of old series and movies. But Megan was in some now, and sinking fast. There was no time to fetch help. I had to save my sister myself. I thought back on some of the jungle movies I saw, thinking about how the heroes would rescue the girl. They'd usually swing out on a vine and pull them out. But there were no vines at the Creek. I looked around and spotted a long stick. I immediately grabbed it. It was wet and weak. I was worried it wouldn't hold, but I had to try. "Here, Megan, girl! Grab on and hold tight now, ya hear?" I commanded, trying to hide my fear as best I could for Megan's sake. She did so without hesitation. I began pulling with all the might I had. But she wouldn't budge. I was only ten and just not strong enough. At that moment I wished I was older. "This ain't working." I said, finally stopping and catching my breath. I looked at Megan, whose chin was now resting on the surface. She'd be gone soon if I didn't do something quick. She stared at me with those deep blue eyes full of tears, her lip quivering. She didn't speak a word. I looked around again, for something to grab when I spotted something I didn't notice before. A long thick branch above the sinkhole. It was growing out of a gnarled tree along the underbrush. It wasn't directly over Megans head, but damn close enough. I didn't have a vine, but I did have something close. I ran to the tree and quickly scurried up it and out on the long branch. It bowed slightly with my weight, but not much. I was thankful for that. There wasn't time to rethink anything. Megan needed help /now!/ I got as far out as I could, then layed down on the branch and reached for Megan. "Grab my hand, sis!" I said as I streched as far as I could. Her back was to me, so she couldn't see, but she trusted me and reached her arms up, hands and fingers outstreched. No good, there was at least two feet between us. She now had to tilt her head back to keep her mouth above the surface. I had one chance left. I sat up and dangled my legs off the branch. Then I turned and locked them around it and dropped off the branch upside down, hanging by my legs. I had to swing a bit to reach Megan, but eventually my hands found her wrist. She immediatly locked her hands around my wrist as well. "Gotcha!" I said with a smile. But the smile would fade when I looked over to where Megans head had just been and saw instead bubbles. She went under and all that remained above the surface was her muddy arms. I could not fail. I loved my sister and didn't want to lose her, not like this. I pulled with all the might I could muster, and then some. Ya know they say when your scared or in danger, your adrenline pumps so fast ya get super human strengh. Thats what happened that day. My scrawney little ten year old body took on the strengh of a grown man. I pulled and pulled until Megans muddy head emerged from the pit, coughing and spitting out mud. And still I pulled. Little by little she came up, till at last her knees were above the surface. Because I wasn't directly overhead, her body was suspended diagonally. My strengh was beginning to fade. I could also feel my legs beginning to cramp and loosen from the branch. I had to hold on though, if Megan fell she'd disappear for good, with the mud all churned up and everything. I needed a way to get her to dry land. I suddenly got an idea! It would be tricky, but what other choice did I have? "Megan, pull the rest of your legs free and bawl them up, then swing, Megan, okay? Swing!" I said, the strain visable in my voice. "Ok!" she replied. She struggled a bit, but eventually her legs came free with a plop as the suction was broken. She immediatly bawled her legs up. "Good girl, now swing, Megan! Swing!" I yelled furiously. The pain in my arms becoming almost too much to bear. Megan began swinging. Once she got some rythem going it wasn't too hard for me to join her. Together we swung back and forth, picking up speed. Once we had the momentum I wanted I called out to her, "On the count of three, Megan, we are gonna let go of each other! Go loose so the landing doesn't hurt so much, ok?" "Ok!" she answered. I never told Megan this, but under my breath I said a prayer. The truth was I didn't know if this would work. I prayed God would let my sister land safely on solid ground. I asked him not to take her from me. Together we counted down. "One ... two ... /three!/" On three I felt Megans grip go slack. I let go and for the next second I held my breath, praying that I didn't hear a splash. Time stood still, I tell you, but then there was a thud. "Megan!" I yelled out. My back was to where she had landed and I couldn't see her. There came no reply. "Megan! Ya ok girl?" I yelled again, praying she'd answer. "Y-yes, you ok, Billy?" came a shaky voice. I let out a sigh. "Thank ya God!" I said under my breath. "I'm ok." I answered back. With the last of the strengh I could muster I pulled myself up and scurried across the branch. When I came down from the tree I had to hang jump to the ground, I landed roughly on my ass. I looked up to see Megan. She was also sitting on the ground, covered from head to toe in mud. She looked tired and shaken from her near-death experience. She was just staring at me. Exhausted, I leaned my back up against the tree and caught my breath, not once breaking eye contact. We just sat like that for the next fifteen minutes. Then quietly we both got up and walked home. I put my arm around her to keep her warm. When we got home Mamma was doing laundry out back. When she saw us come walking out of the woods towards the house she came running screaming her head off about Megan being covered in mud. I explained to her what happened, and she hugged Megan with a death grip, tears rolling down her face. "My baby!" she kept repeating over and over between sobs. Then she turned to me and thanked me, and hugged me tightly as well. Later that night after we got cleaned up and ate supper, Mamma explained to Pa what happened. He told me how proud of me he was, but said I had to take my medicine still because this whole mess wouldn't have happened if I stayed from the woods like he said. "You're the older brother, ya ought know better," he told me. He had me fetch some hickory and then proceeded to tan my hide something awful. After that I was sent to bed. Megan joined me an hour later. We shared the same room. Before she climbed into bed she walked over to my bed and tapped me. "Billy?" she asked softly. "What?" I muttered half awake. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. I opened my eyes to her warm smile and crystal blue eyes. "Thank you." she said softly. With that she walked off to her bed and got under the covers. It was quiet for a bit, then she spoke again. "Billy?" she called out. "Yeah?" I replied. "I was never scared, ya know?" she said. "Of what?" I asked. "Of dying out there. I knew ya wouldn't let me drown," she said through a yawn. "How's that," I asked curiously. "Cause you're my big brother and I know'd you wouldn't let nothin happen to me. I love ya, Billy," she replied as she trailed off. I smiled and answered back, "I love ya too, Megan, love ya lots. And you're right! I'll always be there to protect you, ya hear?" I waited for a reply, but it didn't come, she was already fast asleep. I closed my eyes and soon joined her. We never played in the woods again after that day. In some ways that day was the end of our golden years. The fall came and school was in. The summer after that, Pa would take me to work with him and Mamma would have Megan help her with the choirs. Before we both knew it, we were teens in highschool, each doing our own thing. For awhile Megan was happy. She was a cheerleader, head of the Drama club, and had good grades to boot. Then when senior year came, I began to notice a change. She hadn't figured out what she wanted to do with her life yet. I had figured my life out by freshman year. I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to go to college, but had to work an extra two years in the fields to afford it. After highschool Megan stayed around the house helping Mamma out with things. During that time, me and her barely spoke. We'd see each other in the morning and at night when it was time for bed, by then we were both exhausted from the day. One night during this time. Megan came in late. Mamma and Pa were asleep. She thought I was, too. When she came into the room and turned on the lamp, I noticed bruises on her face. That asshole boyfriend, Mark Bradley, must have taken a licken to her. I didn't say anything and just pretended to be asleep until she turned the lamp off and went to bed. The next morning she told our parents she had fallen. They believed her. I knew better. It ate me up inside someone would do this to her, but I had my own problems. I still didn't have the money needed for school, and time was growing shorter. Megan would have to wise up on her own and leave this guy, else she would continue to take a licken. Eventually she did leave him though. The day before I left for college, which was far away in the big city, I took a walk with Megan. It was the first time we were alone and talking in years. We didn't say much at first, but then she asked if I was scared about the move. I told her I was. The conversation went like that for a while. Then it got quiet again. Finally I broke the silence and mentioned her bruises. I figured now that she left him it was ok. She didn't say nothing at first, just dipped her head. But then she broke the silence. She told me how she figured I knew. I asked her what made her leave him and she got quiet again. When she finally answered me, what she told me shocked and inraged me. She told me he raped her. Raped my Megan. My baby sis beaten and raped. I wanted to kill that damn son of a bitch. But she made me promise not to, and to not tell Ma and Pa. I didn't want to, but one look into those deep blue eyes and I had no choice. I promised her, no matter what, if she was ever in trouble to just call me and I'd come. We stopped and hugged and then continued walking. Shortly after I left for school. College kept me busy. I wrote home when I could. Megan would write back for Ma and Pa. The years went by and time marched on. One day I recieved word from Megan that Pa had died in the fields of a heart attack. I returned home for the funeral. Megan was all grown up and more beautiful then the last time I saw her. After that we started writing each other frequently. Her letters were always kinda depressing. She still hadn't found her calling, and this bothered her a great deal. She was stuck caring for Mamma, who was ailing bad now. She wrote how she thought it was heartbreak on account of losing Pa. Eventually she wrote about a man she met, Jacob McCobb. They were gonna get married and she wanted me at the wedding. The event was around the same time as my finals, so I wasn't able to go. I wrote her and apologized. She wrote back and said she understood and wished me luck on the exams. She was always giving like that. When I look back, I wonder if I should have gone anyway. After the wedding Mamma moved in with them until the day she passed. The old house where I grew up didn't fetch much money. Later in the years it got bulldozed and left a vacant field. I went back home again for Ma's funeral. When Megan greeted me with that warm smile of hers, she had a black eye and bruises on her left arm. Like she was grabbed too hard. I asked her if everything was ok, and she said it was. When I met Jacob, right away I didn't like him. He was a beer swilling drunk who blamed the world for his troubles, and I suppose my Megan was someone he could take it out on. For Megan's sake I didn't say anything. When the funeral was over I went back to school. Truthfully I couldn't wait to do so. Seeing Megan like that turned my stomach. I put it out of my head and went back to my studies. When I graduated Megan came to my cermony. She was by herself. Later she would explain that Jacob left her when he realized she was barren and couldn't have any kids. This didn't seem bad to me, he was scum anyway, but Megan took it hard. She was a grown woman with no husband and no idea about her station in life and now she couldn't even have kids. She cried to me before she left for home. I reassured her that she'd find her station in life. She composed herself and smiled and kissed my cheek. "You are always there for me. Just like at the Creek," she said to me. When we parted I didn't know it, but that was the last time I'd ever see Megan again. Time went by and Megan wrote, but I never had the time to write back, as I was setting up my own practice in the city, and dating Beth. Soon I stopped reading the letters altogether, tossing them aside unopened, not meaning to neglect them, just forgetting they were there. One day I got a phone call from my home towns police department. It was about Megan. No one had seen her and they were wondering if I had. I told them I had not and said I would drive up there as soon as I could. Before I left I noticed the unopened letters, there were several. I tore into them hoping for some clues as to where she went. Each letter was more depressing then the last. She had tried her hand at acting and was a flop, then she tried setting up a daycare business and that didn't work out. She ended each letter asking me to write back. When I read the final letter a chill went through my body. I dropped the letter and just sat there mouth gaping in shock. I wanted to move but couldn't. I had lost all my strengh. In Megans last letter she wrote how she was tired of trying and just wanted the pain to end. She wrote how she wished I hadn't rescued her from the sinkhole that day. How she would have been better off. She closed by saying she was going back to the Creek and finishing what was started years ago. She was going to kill herself. She wanted to die there because the Creek was the only place she ever felt good, and she wanted to be a part of that forever. After I regained composure, I called Beth. I told her I was taking a trip back home to see about my sister. Nothing more. I didn't tell her about the letters. She didn't need to know till I was sure. When I got to my sisters house, I knocked the door in and looked around. Hoping she would be there. No one was home and the house was in good order. I drove to town and asked around. Nobody had seen her in days. Before that they said she seemed kinda long drawn. I decided to drive to the Creek after that. When I reached the outskirts of the woods, I parked the car and continued on foot through the brush towards the Creek. When I emerged from the under brush, the same one I emerged from all those years ago, I saw the pit my sister had fallen in years ago. It was still. In front of the pit was a pair of shoes. Megan's. In that instant I knew she had gone through with it. I just stood there, staring at the pit. I had failed her. I promised to be there and I wasn't. Quietly I whispered, "God rest your soul sis. Hope you finally found what you were looking for." After that I just broke down and cried for a while. When I composed myself. I went to the police and lied. I told them I didn't know what happened to her. I didn't want them going out there and poking around. They probably wouldn't find her body anyways. Besides, she wouldn't want to be found. She wanted to be buried out there where she was happiest as a child.